I am Bump-girl

I feel like know the people who regularly catch the same bus as me. I don’t know their names or anything much about them – save where they get on and off the bus – so I have to make up the rest.

Dad-Man
A lovely, tall man in his fifties who always had a book and uses a worn “World’s Best Dad” bookmark. He doesn’t wait around if the bus is more than 5 minutes late. If it gets to 7:55am, he strides off down the hill toward the train station. He always lets me (and any other women) get on the bus before him. Often wears a sensible vest.

Mr & Mrs Perfect
A couple I’ve seen off and on for years. Among other things I’ve heard them discuss a skiing holiday and house renovations. They look very good together and I worry when I only see one of them. I hope the missing person isn’t sick or working long hours and leaving the other lonely. I suspect Mrs Perfect is pregnant with perfect baby. It couldn’t happen to a nicer couple.

Comfy-girl
She gets on the stop before mine. I’m sure she has a cat and I envy her crazy, curly hair. She has wonderful taste in clothes and always looks comfortable with herself. She gets off the bus in the valley so I assume she had a suitably rad job.

Madam Professional
She’s in her late fifties, maybe early sixties, and she reminds me of someone who you might find on The Simpsons. Her hair is a little too perfect and she always has large pearl earrings on. Despite looking intimidating she’s proved quite friendly and we’ve had a few short interchanges about how crap the bus is.

Fancy-pants
Slick hair and stupid pointy cowboy shoes. Last week he saw me running down the street for the bus and he ignored me, got on and didn’t ask the driver to wait. This morning he forgot his ticket and after patting all his fancy pockets, had to turn around to go home to get it. The bus came while he was away and I smiled when I got on. Now I feel as though we’re even somehow.

RACQ Bobble-head
This woman has a wardrobe straight out of the fifties and a very neat haircut. I think she wears the same clothes on the same day each week and she’s always in the same seat. She reads her book with a very straight back and her head bobbles about ever so slightly. I first assumed it was due to the movement of the bus, but on closer inspection I think it’s a slight nod in time to her reading or a nervous twitch or something. I’ve seen her once or twice in a cardigan with RACQ embroidered on the front and I imagine she works in accounts or something that doesn’t require too much human contact.

Bump-girl
If someone else wrote about me I think I’d be Bump-girl. If I can, I always sit in the seat over the back wheel on the right-hand side of the bus. This way I’m out of the sun (morning and afternoon) and I can put my feet up on the bump instead of having to point my feet down to touch the floor. It’s a good plan for short people. I also occasionally burst into laughter for seemingly no reason but it’s usually Eddie Ezzard, Brian Reagan or RadioLab to blame. I always thank the bus driver when I touch-off.

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2 responses to “I am Bump-girl

  1. I AM BUMP-GIRL TOO! High five! I love it when the bump seat is free. It's so comfortable it almost feels like you're being naughty and putting your feet up on the opposite seat. But you're not breaking any rules! Score!

    "she reminds me of someone who you might find on The Simpsons." Brilliant.

  2. Yay! I hereby reciprocate your high five.

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